June 3rd, 2004


"hiv" is properly pronounced "hiv", not "aitch eye vee".

i want them to release new "used underwear fresh downy" for perverts. couldn't you see the marketing campaign? like all downy commercials, it could start with some smiling housewife pulling freshly washed, warm laundry out of the drier & holding it up to her face. she takes a long inhale, then her nose wrinkles & her upper lip peels back in disgust, & she calls out, "it all smells like dirty cunt!" enter some weird, greasy old man. he snatches at the clothes, leers at the housewife's four year old daughter standing by the door to the laundry room holding a ragged teddy by its back leg, & he runs off with the laundry. cut to a still life shot of the bottle, which is a murky yellow color, with a couple pairs of crusty panties, crotches displayed to the camera. voiceover: "used underwear fresh downy - now you too can smell like a cruisy backroom prostitute, but without all the hiv."

that's it, i'm going into marketing.

something utterly disturbing i recently discovered: britney spears is a "slave 4 u", prince would "die 4 u", aaliyah will "care 4 u", a tribe called quest is "hot 4 u", mr jinks wants to "ride 4 u", guy sebastian says "i 4 u" (& u 4 me), lil' flip is "cut 4 u", ol skool is "still here 4 u", ja rule is "down 4 u", warrant says it's "all 4 u", alanis morissette is "bent 4 u", nerdie & jon b are both "burning 4 u", redman will "jam 4 u", wizo is "w8ing 4 u", the lunachicks say it's "2 bad 4 u", & korn is just "4 u". kill me? please? please?

ok, time to go beat off in the shower. (easy clean-up, you see.)