August 14th, 2004



okay. i had a flat tire ten days ago, & as i'm a tiny girl who doesn't feel able to securely refasten lugnuts (& since my insurance covers roadside anyhow), i called a guy to come put on the doughnut.

two hours later, sweaty short guy shows up. SSG is all sorts of chatty, asking what music i like, if i have a husband (!), if i grew up in florida, whatever. it was no surprise when he asked if he could call me. now, i believe in "if it's a lousy date, i'm still going to get a good &/or horrible story out of it to entertain my friends", so i said okay. note: i said OKAY, not OOH YES PLEASE CALL ME THAT'D BE GREAT DID YOU CALL YET???

so SSG waits about an hour & a half to call. we went to lunch & a movie on sunday, & as suspected, i discovered anew that great food & a very good movie don't make up for a complete lack of personality in the other person. his favorite thing seemed to be expectorating poorly-refined foreign accents at me & being judgemental in stereotypes. he also had loud, utterly self-evident things to say during quiet parts in the movie, & THAT is just unacceptable. (seriously - a guy gets shot & is bleeding out, the music is silenced & everyone is watching him die, & SSG says, slightly above normal conversational volume, "WHOOPS! I GOT SHOT." uh huh. how clever of you to notice!)

now, anyone who's met me, or has read anything i've written, or heard my name once knows i don't even TRY to hide my feelings. so it should've been no secret that i was having, at best, a mediocre time with him. conversation was mostly centered on direct observation of food/movie/other people - i didn't ask him questions because i didn't care about his life, & i sidestepped most of his questions because i didn't want to let him know about my life. but it wasn't just polite standoffishness; it was totally ignoring shit he said [loudly] in the theater, barely looking at him, not finding his jokes funny, CORRECTING HIS GRAMMAR. anyone else would've been able to extrapolate, "hey, this girl doesn't like me very much," or at LEAST would've said, "hey, this isn't very fun for me," & been on their way.

but not SSG! he's a trooper.

so despite all this, i heard a lot of "we HAVE to do this again!" & "you'll get to know [guy he's telling some dumb story about] really well", & other we-are-SO-getting-married type of comments. i was a good non-mixed-signal-sending girl & said absolutely nothing to egg him on or make him think these things were possible.

date over, i said thanks, it was a good time, & gave him only an uninspired half-hug. he asked if he had to wait the requisite twenty-four hours before he called me. i said, "you can play whatever games you want to, pal," & i left.

unless i know (or hope) someone's calling, i often won't check my voicemail until the weekend, when i'll return calls at my leisure. most people know i'm far, far better in email than the phone, so i don't get a lot of important calls. anyhow, turns out i got a voicemail on monday asking if i wanted to hang out that evening. & then there was a call tuesday informing me that he bought me something. a second call tuesday to see if i was home yet. he called twice more on wednesday, once to inform me of what the "something" was (a cd he thought i would "get into"), & the second to ask why i'm not calling back. during this second call, he said he missed me, then said he wanted to tell me about his day, which he proceeded to do for most of the message (which fortunately has a two-minute cap), & then to tell me again that he missed me.

that's five calls in three days from someone who initially said, verbatim, "i hold back a lot of myself until after i get to know someone well." riiiight.

obviously declaring through action & emotion that "GEE, I DON'T REALLY CARE ABOUT YOU OR FIND YOU VALUABLE IN ANY WAY" didn't work, & i'm not the "ignore someone until they go away" type, as i hate when that's done to me & i'd always rather hear "i'm not into you" than NOTHING. so i decided to call back after all. i was pleased when he didn't pick up, 'cause then i wouldn't have to deal with the hurt puppy/broken-winged bluejay bullshit i could already smell coming. this is what i said:

"hey, it's lish. look, i didn't even check my voicemail this week because i've been too busy. & you left me five messages, bought me some cd, & said you miss me. & this from a guy who claims he 'holds back'.

"we had ONE DATE. i had a good time, but we're not going out again now. so, bye."

even when i'm cruel, i'm helpful - IF whatever idiot i'm berating chooses to see that. best case scenario, he realizes that he's clingy & needy & that those things aren't appealing to women, & cools off for the next one he chases after. either way, glad it's not going to be me.

i'll be sure to let you all know if i get another voicemail.