October 10th, 2004

dreadhawk

why does this keep happening?

so, you all remember kirk, the 47yo ad monkey who wanted desperately to get a taste of this <gesturing at self with both thumbs>. well, apparently i'm a nice lookin' piece to the nearing-fifty set.

tonight i ordered a pizza (which is pretty rare for me). the delivery guy who brought it (after an hour & a half) was about eighty, but he wasn't the lech in question. the guy accompanying him, however, was. why, you ask, was there a guy accompanying him? oh, because Mr 1920 Delivery Guy was knocking on doors two buildings over looking for my apartment. so Lech walked him over, which was plenty nice, but then Lech wouldn't let me go back into my apartment without a long, detailed discussion of 1920DG's eyesight (lack thereof), wardrobe, & minivan. Lech was probably 46, had a hitler mustache about twice as wide as it should be, a potbelly large & round enough to store a 17" monitor inside, & he told me about his divorce & kids within a dozen words of "my name is".

but nope, he couldn't leave before asking if he could give me his number so we could "chat" some more. i made a mistake & said, "you know where i live," & he perked up, then described loquaciously where he lived before he finally went away.

yeah, i'll surely stop by sometime, pal. i didn't remember his name.

by the way, i learned on friday that saying "fuck you" to the office depot automated help system causes it to respond, "i think i heard 'customer assistance'. would you like me to transfer you to an operator?" cracked my shit right up. try it yourself sometime!
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