September 10th, 2006

dreadhawk

in which i let lj solve my problems for a third time

base question: if someone is unintentionally rude, should they still apologize?

of course it's more complex than that. nothing in my retarded little life is simple, despite how simple it looks to *me*.

details: a friend of mine has been going through a lot of family-related bullshit recently. i have ceaselessly been his ear/shoulder/whatever in this situation, & many times he has thanked me for being such a good friend, for giving such good advice, for stopping him from sending her shit-smeared "you left me nothing & i hate myself" letters, et cetera.

now, this friend has, several times, NOT been there in return as my ear/shoulder/whatever. for one particularly bad incident, i even said it's not a big deal since i know how much stress he personally is going through, & i'm strong. on a couple of other instances when he seemed more stable, i scolded him for being a bad friend to me. each of those times, he went away pissed for a day or two, then came back & apologized, said i was right & he was sorry, et cetera.

so he's seemed better recently, yapping about nothing of import & certainly nothing of news. so, on aim, i started telling him about something personal to me. in the middle of my telling, he went idle without comment & didn't return for an hour. when he came back, he said he had to go pick up his vcr, & then again went silently idle until a day or two later, at which point he msg'd me something either neutral or about himself, i forget which.

now, i call that fucking rude. & i am, as you all know, not one to hold my tongue. so i said that he was incredibly rude the other day. he replied, "i had work, sorry". i said that's fine, but a "brb" or a "work afk" or similar is polite; furthermore, i pointed out yet again that he always has time/energy to talk about HIS problems, but when *i* have something to say, it's easily put aside. what he SHOULD have done was to at least bring up what *i* was saying the next time he had some time - "sorry i had to work the other day, what were you saying?" would've avoided this whole mess. but his response was that he already said he was sorry, that i was blowing things out of proportion, & that he had a houseguest, so ttyl.

he did not seem to see the difference between cutting me off because he's at work & cutting me off indefinitely. & now i haven't heard from him in almost two weeks, which is extra irritating because he's supposed to make flight reservations to come visit. if he waits much longer to make them, he won't get a decent rate & will probably bail on coming.

so tell me, livejournal people whose friends lists i am on: am i out of proportion, or should mr emotional leech take ten seconds to BE a friend to someone who's thoroughly had his back?